There is talk going around that in just one year under Prime Minister (PM) Narendra Modi, India has achieved more than all earlier Prime Ministers put together. Mind you, some of these PMs were high calibered people like Nehru, Indira Gandhi and Narasimha Rao. Yet, in just one year NaMo has done ‘chutti’ of them.
Every day something new happens and the nation is thrilled. The action is more dynamic in the fields of art and culture. One of the great innovations of Modi India is the fusion of the old and the new, ancient and modern, which should be a lesson to other nations. The most recent of these was the appointment of Gajendra Chauhan, RSS and BJP stalwart, sometime alleged actor, who is now chairperson of the Pune Film Institute. Chauhan was warmly welcomed with a total strike celebrating the appointment. After all, Chauhan (known among friends as ‘Gaju’) played one of the most significant TV roles in history, that of Yudhishtir, the eldest of the five Pandava brothers in the TV serialisation of ‘Mahabharat’. Naturally, Chauhan was the personification of honesty, truth and godliness.
No wonder, the FTII will undergo massive changes under Chauhan’s leadership. The Institute will function under six different wings each named after major Mahabharat characters – the five brothers and the mother Kunti. Leading by example, Yudhishtir (Chauhan) will get the ‘Dharma’ wing which will be in charge of all the institute’s ‘Dharmic’ activities. Since the eldest of the Pandava brothers was less inclined to take to arms, battle craft will not be of much importance. Chauhan will also be in charge of the ‘Gullibility Cell’ because of his reputation of a gullible person who believes everything he hears. With advice from important BJP leaders like Arun Jaitley, Dr. Subramaniam Swamy and BJP experts from the stock market, Yudhistir will be guided by a top advisory council of Dalal street experts like Debenture Sheth.
Since the problems of Yudhishtir were due to his lack of skills in gambling which led to his defeat by Shakuni, the NDA government, unwilling to take any chances will organise the first-ever gambling tour of the FTII chairman and his key aides. They will visit important casinos in Monte Carlo, Paris and Macau and learn all the tricks used by Shakuni and company.
A major flaw in the NDA armour will thus be rectified. Of course, some major changes from the past will be ushered. The BJP Yudhishtir will certainly not have any stripping of Draupadi. Though some of the BJP delegation members were keen to visit the European flesh pots at Cannes, Nice, Bonn and Paris, the plan was vetoed by NaMo himself as it contradicts the concept of Indian womanhood. The FTII under Chouhan will not allow any stripping scenes, be they of any Indian women or even foreigners. Sunny Leone had already made plans to leave India for the Scandinavian countries where there is more ‘freedom’ for such scenes. On the Indian screen, wizard boy wonder Karan Johar will present a musical ‘Draupadi’.
The FTII under Yudhishtir will impose a strict censor and moral code. Semi, total, frontal and rear nudity will be out. Dialgoues will be chaste and devoid of ‘ma-behn’ gaalis. If circumstances did need some strong dialogues they will be written and delivered in Sanskrit. This job will be handled by a special Sanskrit gaali samiti which will be in charge of all ‘mild, famly-orientd’ gallis which will not affect a Hindutva audience. The entire programme will be conceived by Smriti Irani.
Yudhishtir’s role will be true to life. In view of the droughtlike conditions in the country, the food intake of Bhim (who eats half the food collected by the Pandava exiles) will be reduced by half. Our new Yudhihtir will run a tight ship. There will be only fleeting ‘guest’ appearances by Nakul and Sahadev who, like BJP and RSS workers, only nod to their bosses. The cadres will provide these, thereby saving more money.
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V. Gangadhar
The writer is a well-known satirist.[/column]