The awful season is back again,” sighed Dr. Pollster as he wiped his face wearily. “Thankfully, most of the time, it comes once in five years but that is hard enough for the likes of us”. I nodded sympathetically. “Look at the size of it,” pointed out the doctor. “This huge, entire nation is affected. No one, not one area, region can escape its devastation. Mind you, the impact of this dreaded disease Manifestoingitis lasts for full five years.” “As if we did not have troubles enough in this country”, I pointed out. “What is needed is a worldwide dedicated campaign. If a deadly disease like Polio could be wiped out why not Manifestoingitis?”
The doctor shook his head sadly. “That is the sad part of it. International agencies like the UN, UNESCO or WHO, strangely enough are unwilling to take action and tackle the menace. They argue that Manifestoingitis was needed to preserve democracy. Hence, once in five years or so, different nations at different stages go through this ordeal so that elusive democracy can survive.” I was angry and retorted, “Who needs this democracy at this cost?” The doctor looked around apprehensively. “Hush, someone could overhear you and there could be trouble. You see, our nation is hailed because we had allowed this disease to grow and develop without any concern. And now we are cornered.” “Can you describe the symptoms of this vile disease? How does one handle it?”, I asked. The doctor asked his nurse to bring some coffee for us. Holding the cup in one hand he began, “Let me start from the beginning. You see, Manifestoingitis is the first stage of this disease and it is the most difficult stage. The disease could be carried by paper, any other printed material and these days it is carried by e-mail, films and so on. It spreads very quickly even by word of mouth through many carriers. Almost every day, there is a new virus carrying this disease.” “How horrible”, I exclaimed. “You can say that again,” said the doctor. “There are old viruses and new ones and the number is growing every day. In the good old days, there was just the Congress virus which The Manifestoingitis Epidemic had existed for years and years. Then it was challenged by other forms, some more dangerous. The BJP virus and its offshoots suddenly became more menacing and recently there was an outburst of this virus which did not bode well for the nation. The BJP virus was clearly a threat to the Muslim population, it was strong to attack and penetrate anything, even old mosque and masjids. All such mischief started with the Manifestoingitis which spread in millions.” “How does this Manifestoingitis work?” I wanted to know.
The doctor finished his coffee with a long sigh. “First Manifestoingitis numbs the brain,” he began. “The brain can no longer distinguish between right and wrong, as it believes whatever is told to it. You know how dangerous that can be. The message is conveyed through political parties which promise the moon, the sky, eternity, riches, heavenly pleasures and the addled human brain begins to believe whatever it is told in this drugged state”. “Gosh, this is dangerous!” I exclaimed. “Something like what George Orwell wrote about”. The doctor nodded gloomily. “These viruses are now proliferating. Look at the Aam Aadmi Party (AAP) virus which is spreading fast through its own brand of Manifestoingitis. It promised false solutions to major problems like corruption, non-governance and advocated these could be solved if people resorted to dharna and disrupting everything. Mind you, this virus has spread rapidly and could wreck the nation in no time.”
“How does one tackle it?” I asked He sighed. “These are like sand storms, they come and go. We can’t control them. Let us hope they blow themselves out on their own. If someone could ban manifestos, much of the mischief could be nipped in the bud.”
[/column][column size=”4/5″]
V. Gangadhar
The writer is a well-known satirist.[/column]