There is absolutely no truth in the widespread belief that India is among the most polluted nations in the world. All kinds of bizarre statistics are forwarded to substantiate this view. Our air is impure, our water is impure, our food is impure. We have failed the ultimate test in pollution, our Maggi noodles is impure, adulterated and polluted.
The ban was announced by government agencies. That is a major problem. How can anyone trust a government agency to be unpolluted and the one which tested the Maggi samples could well be plagued with inferior samples, non-working equipment, incompetent technicians and higher-ups who simply don’t care and on any day prefer batata vada, medu vada and idli sambar to some strange packets containing something stranger, Maggi noodles. Opposition for Maggi came from different sources. On the political side, anti-colonial and anti-imperialist politicians sternly objected because the product reminded them of British imperialism and the most hated recent British Prime Minister, Maggie Thatcher.
But views varied wildly on the advisability of the ban. Bollywood did not react initially but very soon, Karan Johar their ‘Man About Town’ who has an opinion on everything and everybody, felt he was missing out and had to tweet! In his Charcha over Coffee which scored over NaMo’s Chai pe Charcha, Karan blasted the Maggi ban and felt it would affect our relations with Hollywood and antagonise its stalwarts. Karan who struts around claiming to know more about Hollywood than its pioneers Louis L. Mayer, Darryl F. Zanuck and Sam Goldwyn was bitter that the ban on Maggi noodles was a direct insult to Hollywood immortals like Maggie Smith and characters like ‘Maggie the Cat’ from ‘Cat on the Hot Tin Roof’. Karan and his protégé Alia Bhatt who are the brains behind the newly-started Colors English channel are uneasy that such a misnomer would make it difficult for Bollywood to deal with Hollywood. If the government wants to take strong action against pollution, there are other methods. Rather than trying to control the surging Kumbh crowds, the government should invite the minister concerned – Uma Bharati – to visit the Kumbh site and take a dip in the swirling waters of the holy river, thereby drastically cutting down on the muck factor and the resultant pollution threat. Once the trend is set, millions would follow the example of Uma Bharati and the Ganga would be cleaned up in no time.
But then, India adjusted itself to pollution and became immune to all sorts of food pollution. Stand outside schools and watch hundreds of school children gobble up all sorts of local eatables, ice lollies and local snacks, all of them prepared in the most unhygienic conditions. I did not know of any of my friends falling ill. There was something in the story of John Galbraith, former US envoy to India and brilliant writer. Born and reared in Canada, young John developed a taste for the famous Canadian maple syrup. When he grew up, he found the same syrup tasting different, something vital was lost. Discussing the mystery with an old ‘codger’, Galbraith discovered that the Canadians in the olden days kept the syrup in huge open vats so that it could dry properly. Well, for days the syrup attracted hundreds of wasps, all sorts of insects including lizards, bird dropping and what not. This concoction was filtered into huge drums and then transferred into bottles. This gave the syrup its special flavour and taste. This was missing in the later days when modern methods were used for filtration, thereby eliminating some of the special flavor!
This was one rare case of pollutants enhancing the flavour and taste of the famous maple syrup. Mind you, this fact is confirmed by none other than the Harvard literary giant, John Kenneth Galbraith.
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V. Gangadhar.
The writer is a well-known satirist.[/column]