In his daily life, he is a professional photographer doing fashion, editorial, advertising and fine art photography for nearly 20 years and has spent an equal number of years doing theatre. He started acting in films 5 years ago and has now completed 7 films in all. His fondest wish is to run his fine art photography gallery called Arkanaza and spend the rest of his life travelling and exploring the world. Ramu is an alumnus of The Valley School, Bangalore. In an email interview, Sunder Ramu tells E. Vijayalakshmi Rajan more about his ‘dating’ journey.
How did this idea of dating 365 women come to you? What triggered it?
I had been trying to figure out a way in which I can take up something everyday to make a difference in a small way towards any particular cause. It was inspired by the likes of the mountain man Dashrath Manjhi and Jadav Payeng who single handedly planted a forest. I believe we can’t afford to not get involved with solving social and environmental issues because in so many ways we are spiraling out of control. In recent years there have been so many reports of violence against women that I thought this might be a good way to bring attention towards the wonderful qualities of women, and in some way hope to bring about gender equality from the 365 conversations with women from all walks of life.
What was the initial reaction when you mentioned this concept to friends and family?
They didn’t get it initially, but were very supportive because they know that I have been involved with various social awareness activities for a very long time, and that this might actually work.
Who was the first woman you dated? Where did you go on the first date?
The first woman was a social activist friend of mine who runs an NGO for Sri Lankan refugees, Poongothai Chandrahaasan. She saw my post on Facebook about the journey I wanted to undertake and called me over to her new flat. We had a delicious home cooked meal and spent time with her adopted Indian dogs.
When you go on a date, what do you hope to get out of this personally?
Just to have a good conversation and get to know the lady. Everyone has so much to offer when they are condensing their lives into a meal session, and it’s fascinating to hear their stories. I’m an avid backpacker and travel a lot around the country and the world. It’s about fresh perspectives and being able to connect with people’s lives. It’s amazing how much you can learn and grow by listening.
If you find “a significant other” this year, will you still continue with this dating?
For sure. My intentions are not at all romantic, so I see no problem in what I’m doing. In fact, a lot of the people that I have been on dates with are married, are in relationships, are mothers. So I see no problem at all about continuing the journey regardless of if I find a partner or remain single.
Which date have you enjoyed the most? How many dates have you been on, so far?
I have finished 176 dates. I slowed down in between because some friends lost their parents in quick succession, so I took a break. Then I resumed and have now started going on two a day sometimes. While I have genuinely enjoyed every date I’ve been on, an overnight fishing date with a lovely girl called Preethi Thomas who I was meeting for the first time, going sailing with my childhood friend Rupali Mehra, following a food trail through six restaurants with Jyoti Agarwal, driving through a quaint village with 105-year old Alamelu are some of the dates that were different.
Have you visited anyone’s house for a date? How was the experience?
Yes, I have been to quite a few people’s homes on dates. As I said, my first one too was at a friend’s home. It is very relaxing and you get more of an insight into their personality when you go home. It’s very personal because you are in their private space, they cook for you, and they tend to open a lot more and seem a lot more relaxed in their own space and there’s no time limit.
What has been your most unconventional date so far?
Chandra, the garbage collector at my apartment. We sat on a sewage tank and shared her home cooked meal.
Has anyone refused to go on a date with you? How have you convinced them?
Some people have been a little wary of the part of being written about, but they agree once they read a couple of the write ups and understand the concept and the intentions.
What would you like to do if you were out on a ‘real’ date?
Exactly the same as these. I would like it to be organic and real without any pretentions, pressure or agenda. To me a date of any sort is people meeting to get to know each other better and enjoy each other’s company.
Is there a particular NGO you patronise? How much does it cost you to host a meal for them?
I don’t patronise any particular NGO. It’s more about bringing people’s attention to as many NGOs as possible, so we visit different ones each month. The meal sponsorship can vary anywhere from Rs.1,500 to Rs. 15,000.
Your critics say this is just a publicity stunt or gimmick. Comment.
I started posting my meal dates on Facebook among my friends circle and only started a public page after a deluge of requests from various people. The media, readers and the ladies participating in the dates found the attempt unique and genuine. I have no PR team promoting this and I don’t intend to become a professional dater, so I don’t see how this can be misconstrued to be a publicity gimmick. It’s been a wonderful experience and a very positive one so far.
Have your views about women undergone a change after these dates?
I actually have always had very positive views about women. I have been spoilt by access to some amazing women from my childhood itself, including my Mum and my friends from school. Of course, each meeting and story opened me up even more.
After the year and the 365 dates are over, what next?
I intend to go to schools and colleges and hold discussions on gender sensitisation. Get a larger group involved with gender equality. Take a homeless person out every weekend and sponsor them any meal that they ask for, and write their stories so we can find a way to help them.
I also want to start a global, month-long social awareness festival called ‘March for Change’, that will help bring attention to various issues and ways in which people can contribute towards change. I have tremendous faith in humanity despite how much things are deteriorating, and I believe that everyone will help and that we can still turn things around.