With Narendra Modi, firmly entrenched as Indian Prime Minister for another 10 years, what would be his agenda for the future? Here are some answers.
Foreign Policy: The foreign policy for NaMo would be small and slow to win the race. A beginning has been made with visits to Bhutan and Nepal, our small neighbours. It is pointed out that the Modi visit evoked tremendous interest in these countries because Modi is the first-ever foreign dignitary to visit them. Many residents of these two nations said they wanted to view the leader who was supposed to have a 56- inch chest. Most of these were tailors who had never stitched garments with such measurements. Since India did not have any foreign policy differences with these nations, Modi and his government distributed copies of External Affairs Ministry press notes from the time of Indira Gandhi to educate our neighbours. The issue of gifts (what to give, what to receive) will also be discussed during negotiations.
Nuclear Policy: Of prime importance. Our Hindutva scholars who are already active in schools, colleges and RSS shakhas will advice our neighbours on our nuclear policy. Our weapons will be different. The atom, hydrogen, plutonium, stealth bombs will be of no use in our nuclear defence. We shall make use of different types of ‘divyastras’ mentioned in our epics starting from ‘Brahmastra’ and ‘Narayanastra’ to lesser weapons like ‘Vayuastra’ ‘Varunastra’, ‘Nagastra’ and so on. These will have no nuclear fallout and be made by experts who are now writing our school textbooks in Gujarat and MP. As for the use of nuclear energy for peaceful purposes,we shall make use of our RSS stalwarts whose talk is often a gas, useful for this purpose.
Education Policy: Already in full swing under the able patronage of HRD Minister Smriti Irani, the most highly educated of our ministers whose qualifications were questioned by her political opponents. They were silenced when Smriti flaunted her doctorate from Yell University, an Ivy League Institution. Her doctorate programme was covered at Yell University by the TV serials association of India and the Ayurvedic Medicine giant ‘Tulsi Inc’. Under her able patronage, India will have a new and popular education policy with the age limit for the IAS raised to 58 and the examination extended to 28 languages and 153 dialects. English will be excluded from this list.
Women’s Welfare: For the BJP, women are a national treasure. We shall keep our women well covered, not a bit of their valuable skin being seen from outside. We shall take so much care of their welfare by not allowing them anywhere outside their homes. We, the menfolk, will take care of everything including working, entertainment and so on. Guarding of our women will be in the ‘strong’ hands of Uma Bharati, Meenakshi Lekhi and to a lesser extent, Smriti Irani. The women will not lose anything by being confined indoors, as they will learn new cuisines, sing new bhajans and gradually will be allowed to visit temples and pilgrim centres.
Judicial Reforms: Our agenda is very important. We shall do away with the collegium system which has supposedly failed and revert to the old Monarchy Judiciary with the King (in this case NaMo) being the chief judge. Due to time constraints, he will handle only major cases like those involving the Gandhis while the rest of the judicial process will be handled by the RSS. The current Supreme Court will be shifted from Delhi to Nagpur and the RSS shakas will host the High Court activities.
Health: Easy to handle for the NaMo government. Its pure air and healthy environment will cause such an impact that death toll will drop drastically and may even reach zero percent. All hospitals will switch over to ayurveda, surgery will be banned and use of antibiotics will be minimised. Family planning will be discontinued and Hindu families will be expected to produce as many children as they desire. In view of the policy of religious freedom practiced by the NaMo government, the other communities may do what they want. We shall not interfere.
Freedom of the Media: Not our lookout. Will be handled by the RSS headquarters.
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V. Gangadhar
The writer is a well-known satirist.[/column]